3 Lessons That I Learned From Ego Is The Enemy
The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent
In 2019, I read "Ego is the Enemy" by Ryan Holiday. The book emphasizes how significantly our egos influence our lives. It's packed with valuable insights, personal anecdotes, and practical advice.
One story I particularly appreciate from the book is the parable of the empty boat:
There is a man calmly sailing down a river in his boat. Suddenly, he spots another boat rushing toward him. He shouts warnings and grows increasingly furious as they collide. Both boats capsize, leaving him drenched and angry. He swims to shore, ready to confront the reckless boater, only to find the other boat was empty all along.
This story illustrates our tendency to blame others when things go wrong. We often get angry at whoever we perceive as the cause when sometimes, it's just bad luck or circumstances like gravity or the river's current leading to trouble.
Reflecting on this story reminds me that often, there's no one to blame. Insisting on assigning blame only exacerbates the situation, mirroring the man's futile anger toward the empty boat.
And with that, I write about three lessons that I learned from "Ego is the Enemy”.
Video: Summary of Ego Is The Enemy by Ryan Holiday (5 Minutes)
3 Lessons That I Learned From Reading Ego Is The Enemy
1. All of us have an ego
“An unhealthy belief in one’s own importance.” — Ryan Holiday
We often observe others and label them as egotistical, while giving ourselves a pass. But let's face it: every one of us has an ego, whether we admit it or not.
And when we talk about ego here, it's not the complex Freudian definition. We're referring to the everyday understanding of ego.
In simple terms, it's that voice inside us that says we're superior, unique, and deserving of special treatment, love, and recognition. It's an ingrained belief in our importance, as Ryan Holiday describes it.
So, whether we like it or not, our egos play a role in how we see ourselves and interact with the world.
2. Ego short changes us in every stage of life
“Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, your worst enemy already lives inside you: your ego.” — Ryan Holiday
Throughout our lives, ego can disrupt our progress in three key stages: aspiration, success, and failure.
Firstly, we aspire to reach our goals, striving until we succeed. Then, we bask in success until inevitably encountering failure. However, it's in the aftermath of failure that we pick ourselves up and begin aspiring once more.
To achieve success, one must embrace hard work and delay immediate gratification. Yet, the ego prefers to boast about grand plans rather than putting in the necessary effort, seeking quick personal glory.
Remaining successful demands humility, purpose, and a commitment to continual learning. Despite this, our egos deceive us into believing that we are the center of the universe and possess all-encompassing knowledge.
Overcoming failure necessitates resilience, self-confidence, and patience. Unfortunately, the ego often exacerbates our frustration and leads to self-destructive behaviour.
Essentially, what is required of us at each stage of life clashes entirely with the desires of the ego. Left unchecked, our egos can undermine us at every turn, hindering progress and fulfillment.
3. There are ways to manage your ego.
“The person who clears the path ultimately controls its direction, just as the canvas shapes the painting.” — Ryan Holiday
Understanding the signs and solutions for a problem helps us address it effectively. We can apply this same idea to manage our ego, which can sometimes cause issues within us.
Just like treating an illness at different stages, the signs and solutions for managing our ego vary depending on where we are in life.
Stage 1: Aspiration
Symptoms: Too much talk, very little work
Treatment: Work, Work, Work
Research shows that discussing our plans excessively can hinder our progress.
This is because our brains can confuse talking about our plans with actual progress, leading us to feel less motivated to take real action.
Interestingly, this tendency aligns with our ego's preferences. We often enjoy the temporary satisfaction of sharing our grand ideas and impressing others with our apparent readiness.
To combat this, it's crucial to prioritize action over endless discussions about our plans and goals.
Stage 2: Success
Symptom: Being a ‘know it all’
Treatment: Always stay a student
When we achieve success, there's often a temptation to act like we have all the answers, fearing to seem ignorant. But this mindset can hinder our progress.
What happens? We stop learning, hindering our personal growth. This can make it harder to handle new challenges, eventually causing setbacks.
"As our knowledge expands, so does our awareness of what we don't know."
So, no matter how much we've achieved, it's crucial to stay open to learning throughout life.
Stage 3: Failure
Symptom: Being in denial
Treatment: Convert dead time to alive time
When we stumble, our inner voice often speaks, "It's not fair!", "Why does this always happen to me?", "I shouldn't have even tried, I knew it wasn't my thing"?
That voice? It's our ego, kicking us when we're down with self-doubt every time we fail. It prefers to write off failure as something not meant for us. And so, we find ourselves stuck in what's known as “dead time”, feeling like we're not making progress.
But here's the thing: the only way forward is to reflect on what led to our failure, what lessons we can draw from it, and how we can bounce back.
We have to turn moments of defeat into opportunities for growth, seeing it as “alive time”. JK Rowling serves as an example of how failure can lead to success. Before her rise to fame with the Harry Potter series, she experienced numerous setbacks and rejections.
Despite being turned down by multiple publishers, she refused to give up. Instead, she learned from her failures, persisted, and eventually turned her dream into reality.
Thank you for reading. I hope you learned a lot today!
Best,
Writer l Speaker l CEO of Living Your Greatness
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Great summary!