The Secrets To Lasting Love | Alison Armstrong
Extraordinary Relationship Advice For Men & Women
“Love is like a soap bubble, easily popped by something shocking or even by a small irritant rubbing against it.” -Alison Armstrong
In my latest episode of Living Your Greatness, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Alison Armstrong, a relationship expert in human behaviour and best-selling author of The Queen’s Code.
Alison’s journey began with a focus on understanding men, which naturally led her to study women’s behaviour and the deeper connections between them.
Her decades of research on love and relationships offer valuable lessons that can help us create stronger, more meaningful connections in our lives.
Episode Lessons
Here are some lessons I took away from Alison Armstrong in this episode.
1. Love Is Fragile but Eternal
Alison explained that “love is eternal and infinite,” but the feeling of being “in love” is much more delicate.
She compared it to a soap bubble—beautiful but easily popped by irritation, neglect, or disrespect. She emphasized that respect and admiration are essential to maintaining this delicate bond.
Simple acts of kindness and thoughtfulness strengthen love, while hurtful actions can damage it. Sustaining love requires consistent care, mindfulness, and a commitment to mutual respect.
2. Self-Love Is the Foundation of All Relationships
Self-respect and self-love are the building blocks of any healthy relationship.
Alison made a personal commitment to let go of everything that wasn’t rooted in love, choosing instead to focus on self-respect.
“When we respect and admire ourselves, we set the standard for how others treat us,” she explained.
Prioritizing self-love not only strengthens our sense of self-worth but also allows us to show up as our best selves in relationships. By modelling respect, we teach others how to value and honour us.
3. Relationships Thrive on Generosity and Reciprocity
Alison highlighted that relationships flourish when generosity and affection flow freely between partners.
“Generosity and affection create a positive cycle in relationships,” she said. However, unresolved hurt or resentment can disrupt this cycle, leading to emotional distance.
Alison encouraged listeners to reflect on their own feelings, asking:
“Am I feeling loving and generous toward my partner? If not, what’s holding me back?”
By addressing unresolved feelings and maintaining a spirit of generosity, couples can keep their relationships strong and connected.
4. Reframe Conflicts for Deeper Understanding
Conflicts are a natural part of any relationship, but how we approach them can make all the difference.
Alison urged listeners to avoid jumping to conclusions or assuming their perceptions are correct. Instead, she recommended articulating observations rather than emotions.
For instance, saying:
“It seems like you don’t love me.”
...opens the door to dialogue, while saying:
“It feels like you don’t love me.”
...may provoke defensiveness.
By focusing on clarity and curiosity, couples can resolve conflicts more effectively and foster deeper understanding.
5. Keep Love Alive with Playfulness
Playfulness is a powerful tool for maintaining intimacy and joy in relationships.
Alison described it as an antidote to stress and routine, noting that:
“Playfulness requires energy and a sense of safety, particularly for women.”
Couples who prioritize play bring lightheartedness and fun into their connections, helping to rekindle affection and intimacy.
Alison also encouraged listeners to appreciate their partners’ efforts, no matter how small. Recognizing and valuing these gestures strengthens the bond between partners and keeps love vibrant.
Thanks for reading!
Cheers,
Writer l Speaker l CEO of Living Your Greatness
P.S. Have questions or suggestions for future episodes? Reply to this email. I love hearing from you!
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